It got all too much for me, in my dreams… That I had to wake up and I remember throwing off my blanket almost ready to stand up, like in my dream and being the emotional person I am … I was about to stand up and point to them telling them stop, I don’t like it. Knowing me, in real life… There was no chance that would ever happen.
This dream made me wonder and made me remember things that I thought I have already dealt with and moved on from in my life, but I guess it’s so deeply engrained within me that I become so paranoid. I’m socially awkward because of my past experiences and I guess it’s time for people to know why.
Thank you to all those people who have ever said a nasty thing about me because yes, yes you have effected my life. Even though I have moved on and I have grown up and moved past these experiences, sometimes an overwhelming feeling takes over me and I lose control. It feels like all the pent up emotions that I don’t want to feel all come out at once, may it be through subtler signs like the sad look on my face or more forceful signs of actual tears. It eats me alive.
All those times I heard people commenting about my weight or other physical things about me, I had to take on in stride because I was brought up to believe God made me this way because we’re all made to be different.
Despite my faith, the constant name calling and sometimes the physical throwing of food at me… Really hurt.
I didn’t report most of these incidents because they came from the people who were ‘closest’ to me, the people who I called ‘friends’. I want you to know that it hurt, it continues to hurt today and I don’t think there will ever be a day when it doesn’t hurt (even just a little bit).
People make you believe that ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’…
How totally wrong is that. Wounds heal, bruises fade away. But words, they scar you for life.
So to all those people who have ever said or did anything to me. It hurts, so please reconsider next time you say something about someone, even if you think it’s joking around.
With that being said, I have made peace with my past and have made great leaps in my confidence. Many people may ask why I take so many photos of myself. It’s because I want to be true to what being a ‘luvo’ is in ‘selfie’ format. To be a luvo, is to love one self. Some people may see this to be pretentious, to me it isn’t. It’s to show that I am growing to love myself each and everyday… Which is okay. Because in the past I was taught to loathe myself. So in short, be a luvo… Because at the end of the day you need to feel good about yourself and if this way works for you, do it!